It's a revelation, not resolution

I haven't had the inspiration to write recently, I guess you could call it writers block. 

Since it's 2016, I thought I would do the cliche "what 2015 taught me" blog.

1. Self Control 

 saying no to friends and opportunities to make sure I am taken care of. I've had to say no to a lot of people, and a lot of things I really wanted to do to make sure I had money to pay for my bills, and for things I want to save up to do in the future. Saying no was so hard for so many reasons, but it taught me that self control and looking at the big picture is just as important as taking care of yourself. 

2. Independence 

I had to learn how to be independent from my parents. Living in my own apartment taught me that. I had to work to pay my rent, gas, and groceries. Which is more than what many people do at my age. I learned to be frugal with my money. Gaining independence gave me a new sense of self worth, a confidence I didn't know existed within me. Being self sufficient, is a great feeling, especially when you're young and trying to figure out what life has to offer. 

3. Self Worth 

I dated boys throughout 2015, and learned that I don't need to find someone to make me feel whole and complete. I am who I am, and that is enough. I am a young, beautiful 20 year old woman - and no one can take that away from me. Yes I realize I called myself beautiful, because I now know I have a heart that is caring and loyal, and I am beginning to believe its reflecting on to my outside. I am fine where I am, and I want to explore who I can be. No one can define me, or change how I feel about myself, or try to change the path I want to put myself on. 

4. Uncertainty

I've always hated when things were up in the air, always gave me anxiety. I am such a control freak, and when things are out of my control I can get real ugly, real fast. And after this whole year of learning who I am, and my independence. Possibility and uncertainty is okay. Yes it's okay to let loose and be okay with the plan you have no control over. You can't control the waves of the ocean, so why try to control where life can take you? I am more than fine not having a five-year-plan, or plan after I graduate because I know I will be fine and figure it out as I go. 

5. No one owes me anything

I spent a good portion of this year being angry because so many things were happening that I didn't understand. Not only in my personal life, but things happening all over. I sat out a semester of my sorority, and felt so isolated and forgotten about. I felt immense pressure to have an answer to everyone if I was coming back in the spring, and if I was going to take another leadership position. The answer is yes, I plan on finishing my last semester, and no I think I will sit and enjoy life. Friends, guys, and family has came along and left, and the thing is, they don't owe me an explanation of why. Lastly, I am fine with a small or large circle, happiness comes from me, not the people around me. 

2016 will be a year of a lot of change, uncertainty and growing as I transition from 20 to 21. A year to find creativity, inspiration and adventure from anywhere my heart takes me. A year to feel more comfortable in my own skin - a year to fall more in love with myself. I am making no "New Years Resolution" because things that are changing within me and around me are things that are out of my control. Life will be bright, and successful. I am so excited to see progress by this time next year, or where I'll end up. 

-M